Everything He said I should do is for my good, I know that but it's like I can't be bothered. How do I begin to care? As Paul puts it, "wretched me" – that's harsh, I know but I can only admit to myself. Ah, I need to find that desperate desire to love him without restraint because I do know that I am lost without him. I am weak, no matter how much my determination peaks up, its dies.

Then I remember that my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness…my hope is in Him. I really can't do anything without him. Sweet Holy Spirit, You don't force yourself on anyone, sometimes I wish you would. Somewhere I know I love you and then I seriously doubt that because I can't seem to sacrifice anything for you, especially my time. I can't afford to be lost. I have questions and doubts. Will I ever get to where you want me to be? But whatever happens, don't give up on me. Don't let me go.